How to Flirt in a Long Term Relationship

Butterflies when he looks at you, the pitter-pat of your heart at the thought of him and the excitement of receiving a good morning text knowing you were the first thing on his mind. When all you did was flirt like two excited teenagers in puppy love. All of that is a distant memory! What happened and where did that spark go?

It didn’t go anywhere, we just grew comfortable. Although the thrill and excitement of a brand new relationship has faded, something better has come. To be honest, I like our stage of the relationship now. I can just be myself with no makeup and my Lularoe leggings while I sob watching Disney’s Moana. I love this phase of the relationship, but there are days when I just need that extra attention in a flirtatious manner.

According to Gary Chapman’s book, “The 5 Love Languages,” everyone has their own primary love language and it is important to not only recognize your significant other’s but learn your own as well. The 5 languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts and physical touch.

Just because it’s been a while since that powerful first kiss, doesn’t mean kiss 189204899 has to have any less of a spark!

“I love to watch you leave”

I love being checked by my man. It means he is looking at me and noticing different attributes, which is especially affirming when he says “I can tell you’ve been working out.” Ladies, don’t be afraid to “hit on” your man; he needs some attention, too.

Words of Affirmation: Communicating your attraction to your significant other using words can brighten their day more than you know. It doesn’t have to be about physical attraction either. Saying “I love how generous you are” or “I am so proud of your achievement” also shows your admiration for your significant other. My favorite use of words of affirmation is sticking handwritten love notes in my boyfriend’s lunch bag.

“Oh darn, I’m out of gas!”

If you know your significant other dislikes a certain task, do it for them. My boyfriend knows how much I hate pumping gas, so he goes out of the way to do it for me. In turn, I know he doesn’t like cooking, so I make most meals. It’s the little things that keep us going. Doing little things for our loved one can go a long way.

Acts of Service: This may not seem like the best flirt, but it is when this is a primary love language. I know if I cook I am going to receive my primary love language, words of affirmation, when my boyfriend compliments my cooking. My point: if this isn’t your love language but it’s your significant other’s, then do it so they can nourish you with your love language.

“So we are going to dinner at 7pm?”

Make plans to spend time together. It doesn’t have to be fancy either. When my boyfriend randomly texted me, “how about we take a bike ride after dinner tonight” my heart melted.

Quality Time: When you go out of your way to spend time with your significant other it makes them feel valued and can deepen your relationship. No matter if this is a primary love language or not, always truly devote yourself in the time you have scheduled for this person. This means NO PHONES, otherwise it just looks like they are an inconvenience and you don’t really care to spend time with them.

“I bought you some more Ice Breakers”

Knowing your significant other’s wants and needs is a great way to show them you care. I know my boyfriend loves these mints. Every time I visit the store I grab him a pack because it lets him know I was thinking of him.

Gifts: These do not have to be lavish or expensive. Just letting your loved one know you were thinking of them or, better yet, listening to their wants and needs shows you really care.

“The Ultimate Flirt ”

Oh yeah! We are talking SEXY TIME (one of the best parts, right?). However, there is more to our physical relationship than sex. When we are downtown with friends and he wraps his arm around my waist it sends my senses sky high.

Physical Touch: This does not have to be as involved as sex. In fact, it can be simple, like holding hands or hugging. It doesn’t have to take place in a specific environment either. I get just as giddy when my boyfriend grabs my hand while we are in public, proudly showing me off, as I do when we are having our private intimate moments.

Here are some cute tasks you can do to communicate each love language:

Words of Affirmation:

Handwritten Notes
Writing/Performing an original Song

Acts of Services:

Mowing the lawn
Grocery Shopping

Quality Time

Planning a vacation
Having a phone and distraction free meal
Going for a bike ride or walk


A surprise party
Fund a shopping excursion; you can go with them or give them a gift card
Homemade memory book or other thoughtful gift

Physical Touch

Back Message
Foot Rub

When you are in a long-term relationship, you are building a long-lasting love that may be leading you to marriage. While the fun, superficial flirt thing is thrilling, it wears off. The best flirt comes from the one you truly care for. Devoting your time to show love makes your relationship stronger.

Do you know your love language? Comment below!

Hayliestory flirt relationship
This post was written by Haylie from #HaylieStory. Find more posts like this at


Kate @
August 6, 2017 At 4:00 pm

Love these ideas, Haylie. I think I need to figure out my fiance’s love language…!

    Brittney Moffatt
    August 6, 2017 At 4:00 pm

    I also need to learn more about my boyfriends love language!

    August 6, 2017 At 4:00 pm

    Thanks! I implemente these in my relationship and the results were amazing. Check out my site for links to the test, the book and the audiobook.

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